"He’ll keep calling me. He’ll keep calling me until I come over. He’ll make me feel guilty. This is.. This is ridiculous. Okay, I’ll go. I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go. What… I’LL GO.
Photo by Pat Loika
Off the Walls.
ragzcosplay as Spiderman at Con Bravo 2014.
Brian was amazing, handling the heat of this parking garage like a pro despite the 100% humidity and his spandex suit. I am incredibly pleased at how this shoot came out.
Finally, slowly, getting my photo backlog tackled.
I love this shot! Big thanks to Amanda for this shoot, and for not being too upset when I showed up 20 min late.
Also, holding yourself in mid pushup is exhausting!
My roommates and best friends moved out today. They moved down to Texas and my apartment feels really empty right now.
Not doing too well with being this alone in my own home. I’ve been crying a little bit for the past few days as they packed and shipped their stuff, but now that they are gone, I just can’t stop crying.
I really hate being alone.
Image description: 5 color of photos of people baring skin and showing their colostomy bags. The top two are white women wearing bikinis, the middle two are shirtless men, one of whom is ripped, and the bottom photo is a white woman with a noticeable scar beside her bag.
I wish there were more body, gender, and racial diversity, but it’s great that folks with Crohn’s/folks who have colostomy bags are feeling empowered to wear what they want and not feel like they have to hide part of their body.
hey friends this is a very important post
i used to have one of these. it was life-saving and i had one for ten months. it may have helped my body heal but it destroyed my self-esteem and made me think very poorly of myself and very negatively of the world in general. i wish i had something like this around when i was going through it!!!
***Long personal post here****
I debated talking about this for some time, mostly because I try to keep my page mostly cosplay related, but also because I am often very embarrassed by this. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I shouldn’t be embarrassed at all.
I have an ileostomy. I have had it for 15 years now. I don’t have Crohn’s or colitis, or any of the usual reasons for having an ostomy, and I can’t really get into the story behind what was done to me to result in this. But, end of the story is I have one, and have had it for half of my life, and I will have it for the rest of my life.
When I first got it, it was supposed to be temporary, and even that started me on a road to deep depression. When it was turned into a permanent ileostomy, and I was told just after turning 16 that this will be a life-long thing I will have to deal with, it, along with many other things pushed me over the edge and I was depressed for quite a while. It took several years for me to get out of that, and cosplaying actually helped with that quite a bit. It was a nice bit of escapism where I wasn’t the sick kid with the bag stuck to his side. Eventually I became more okay with it, but, like I said earlier, it’s not something I am often comfortable talking about.
Even now, after having it for as long as I have, I am self-conscious about it. I am always afraid that the bag will stick out, or, as can happen, the bag will leak, or break. It is a constant thing always present in my mind. When doing cosplay shoots, I hold myself in ways that hide any possible outline the bag may put into my clothes. Even when I am assured by friends that know all about my history that the bag can’t be seen, I am still paranoid that it will be. It has even kept me from pursuing relationships. I am often afraid of rejection, and ostomy bags can make people uncomfortable, and to have someone reject me over my deepest shame and insecurity just fills me with dread. I know it shouldn’t be ashamed, and I try to tell myself that it’s okay, but it is always a source of fear and shame hanging over me.
And then I see people like this and I feel slightly less bad about myself. I know I will probably never be confident or brave enough to be as open about it as these people are, but know that it is possible for someone to be that comfortable and self-assured, while dealing with the same thing I am gives me a great sense of hope.
And so, thank you.
With all the Sin City stuff popping up on my dash today, I thought now would be a nice time to take a look back at my very VERY old Kevin cosplay back from …I wanna say 2006? I think that’s right.
Full group shot! And I am so sorry, but it has been so long that I cannot remember the names of everyone here. From what I can recall, Dallas is VickyBunnyAngel, and Goldie is Mai Sheri. I know a few others, but only by real names, and I don’t know if they’d be okay with being mentioned by those names.
I love this shot! I wish I had noticed that my hair got brushed to the side and that I had my left hand open more, but whatever. I still love the shot!
And this was just a test shot I did after I got the costume finished. The glasses are actually whited out, that was not an effect. I am totally blind when wearing them.
Okay, so that was my… Marchback Monday?
Anyways, very excited for the new Sin City movie!